So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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