Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
