I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
