So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
