You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize