A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
