so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
