And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
