HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
