And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
