Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
