actually, I'm a sock model
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
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