i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
