do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
