I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
