Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize