We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
whose parrot is this?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
