He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
