I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
