Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
