The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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