All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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