I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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