and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
