I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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