True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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