If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
