so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
