Will you blow on my dice?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I didn't notice because vodka
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
