You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
