i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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