No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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