Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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