Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
