According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
