Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
