I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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