look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
