Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
