Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
