saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
