He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
