Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
