it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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