I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize