One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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