Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
