Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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