My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
