Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
