i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
