i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
