I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
