The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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