Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
