Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize