Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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