Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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