After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
