First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
