Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
