i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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