Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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