I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
