It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
