worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
