hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
