Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
