o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
