Non-Jews are for practice
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
