I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
