the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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