Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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