So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My pussy is not your playground.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
